Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
