I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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