I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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