Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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