so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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