Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
