toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
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Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
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A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life