Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects