So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
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I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
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I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day