who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it