we have pet lesbian snakes
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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