He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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