Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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