I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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