what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
