I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
