all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
