I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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