Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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