I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
