Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
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I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
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Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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