Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
