I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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