if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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