dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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