I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
