im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
