Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
