you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
