Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
