6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
