I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
