My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
