I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize