Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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