I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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