When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
