i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
