Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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