I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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