He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
