We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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