remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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