recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
