he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
