be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
