if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
