this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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