Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
