I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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