Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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