I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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