We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
