I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
