I wanna bring you to show and tell
so that wasnt chicken after all
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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