Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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