I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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