I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
