just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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