You just made me feel so damn special
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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