Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
