I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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