Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
