How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
