Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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