All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
