I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
so much tequila, so little girl.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
