when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
